None At All, According To Venus
by MapleTreeway
Summary: What would happen if you and your friend were both abandoned and cheated upon? What would happen when Fair Goddess Venus shows up? What had happened to Pepper and Jester? This is the tale of how the minstrel and the cook got togther.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: no. not even I can own such greatness.**

She was just abandoned by Rake who went running off to be Jane's next victim. Pepper was in tears.

Terrible tears.

With no way to explain them.

None, at all.

L-L-L-L-L-L

It was Midnight, and the Castle was silently loud. So loudly quiet that she could've heard a feather fall to the stone pavement – even in her simple bed in the kitchens lying on her side. Pepper wondered if all nights where like this, silent; quiet; still, but she was just to busy preparing meals to notice.

She turned onto her back and looked up at the ceiling – the gritty ceiling that didn't have feelings or remorse or tears; just did its one job of holding up the walls and other things. Sighing, she closed her eyes and struggled to find sleep.

But it did not come.

Not the tiniest speck of it.

None, at all.

L-L-L-L-L-L

It was a good few months since they had broken, and Pepper could not shake away the memory. It was simply too haunting.

She would see it in her dreams, but once it started it became more likely a nightmare than a dream. Each and every word rang like a harshly earsplitting bell, each and every syllable crushing her heart to flames of ashes, each and every "I am sorry" panged and banged and bounced and struck her simple soul from all directions. It hurt her to maximum state where she would not let her tears show or flow in front of anyone – especially Jane or Rake.

She would keep them a secret by wearing a smile half-heartedly or being herself.

Pepper vowed not to show her feelings.

None, at all.

L-L-L-L-L-L

"_Pepper," he stated nervous._

"_Yes?" she asked hopefully looking up at him. 'Perhaps now he will confess he loves me!' the maiden thought hopefully._

_The gardener scratched his neck. 'Yes he is! I know it!' _

"_Pepper, I-I am sorry, but-but I…"_

_The young woman frowned. 'No he is not. He-he is going to-to… No! This is part of the act. That is it!' _

"_Yes?"_

"_Pepper I cannot! I cannot go on."_

'_So this is it? No, __**I love you**__ or __**marry me**__? No __**I love you**__?' Depressed she asked already knowing the answer, "What? Whatever do you mean? You cannot go on in the Gardens?"_

_He looked down now, looked down at her eyes and spoke calmly, "I am terribly sorry but I cannot go on. I-I cannot. Pepper, this is the end."_

"_The end of what?"_

"_The-the end of-of…"_

_Jane walked by them and stopped by Rake. "Hello Rake, Pepper." She studied Pepper than Rake than Pepper then walked away. The cook immediately got it._

"_Oh. Right, well, I guess Jane will be happy," Pepper said trying to sound cheerful when obviously she was not._

"_Um, well…."_

"_I am sorry. I cannot compete with her, seeing as though I am a cook and she broke history." _

"_You do not mind then?" Rake asked hopefully._

"_Oh no. Go on ahead, I won't mind." Pepper carelessly said, but it was mind spoken. Her soul wanted to scream and punch and kick and kill and cry and shout at him for doing this to her. _

"_Well…I guess it is over then." _

"_Well, yes."_

"_I am sorry." 'No you are not you biscuit-weevil!' Pepper thought._

"_Well go on then! Off you go, no use standing around here in the kitchens!" she cried furiously at him waving a spoon in his face._

_He dashed out the door and she sat down and silently wept expecting no one to come tell her she would be alright._

_She was right of course._

_No one came._

_None at all…_

L-L-L-L-L-L

A tear-soaked Pepper awoke to the light of day. 'I am late! I overslept!' came the first thought of many thoughts. The second came when her vision (which had been blurred when she awoke) cleared and she saw the Blacksmith, Smithy, in front of her bed frowning along with Jester. 'What are they doing here? Shouldn't they be doing their chores?'

"Uh, Pepper. Is there something you want to explain?" Smithy asked her.

"Yes, why are you here?"

Jester stepped forward, "We – Smithy and I – heard you wail."

"Wail?"

"Yes you were crying mighty hard so Smithy and I wanted to see what was wrong."

"Wrong?" Confusion crossed her face.

"Is there something you want to tell us?" asked Smithy once more.

"Tell you?"

"DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?" he emphasized.

"Yes…"

Jester's eyes widened, "What? Whoever would hurt you shall feel the wrath of my juggling balls and bells!"

Pepper chuckled and wiped a few tears from her eyes. "It is over, a few months since it happened anyway. Never knew what Love could do to you until to late."

"Pepper what –" the Blacksmith began only to be cut off.

"Rake and I split."

"WHAT?" both young men asked disbelieving.

"Yes, to be with Jane."

"WHAT?" Jester said furious.

"Yes, to be with Jane," the cook repeated.

"But-but Jane she-she is mine. We are courting!"

"So it seems. Rake went off running in a sunset with her."

"No!" squeaked the Minstrel shaking.

Smithy walked next to Jester and tried to comfort him by talking softly to him. It didn't help though, he was still stricken. He kept muttering something in Italian - which Pepper thought were curses – and kept shaking his head and kept trembling. 'Poor Jester…' she thought.

It was a while until he calmed down and stopped the heavy flow of Italian from his mouth. By then, his hat had fallen off exposing his dirty blond hair and he had tears covering his magnetic silver eyes. "W-why?" he asked to thin air looking up to the ceiling trying to see the sky. "W-why Venus? What did I ever do?"

A spurt of light came then, causing all three of them to jump back in alarm. It was momentarily blinding with white and red light and a few hearts shooting out of the laminate of it all. Smithy, Jester, and Pepper covered their eyes for their sake of seeing. It ended as quickly as it started and out came a marvelous figure.

The figure had a bow and arrow with the arrows' points a half-heart; she had a white robe with some red twisted rope around the middle; white sandals showing toes and feet; curly brunette hair in a bun with a few ringlet strands framing her face; tan skin; and a beautiful face.

Jester, who was the first to uncover his eyes, squeaked and jumped back; then remembering his manners, clumsily bowed seeing her. "F-f-fair God-Goddess Venus!" he stammered.

"You may rise." Her voice was melodious and rich. Venus pointed to the other two who were shrinking back in horror. "Who are these?"

"These? These are m-my f-friends."

"And they do not bow to a Goddess?"

"W-well you see, t-they do not know who you are…"

"Enough!" she said holding her hand up ordering silence. Venus turned to Pepper and Smithy. "Ah, Verbena and Jethro; you would be a pair if I wanted to. But alas I chose otherwise; Verbena you where with Drake where you not?"

Pepper nodded. She couldn't speak. "And Jethro, you have not found a maiden yet no?"

Smithy nodded. He couldn't speak either. "Humph! Go to Italy for a chariot-race in a few years, see if you will find an Italian girl you will like. Love blossoms in Rome.

"As for you Verbena! I have a surprise, Clemens come here!" Jester stepped forward timidly. "No need to be shy! You two have known each other for years have you not?" Both Clemens and Verbena nodded. "Good so I thought!"

There was stillness in the air as Pepper was trying to digest that Jester's name was Clemens and that the woman in front of them was a Goddess named Venus. And judging by her arrows, she was the Goddess of love. The Goddess started to speak, "Now, I have read each of your thoughts on why I split you two with your courters…"

"Why did you…" Verbena began to ask.

"Do not interrupt Verbena! I have split the two because it simply won't do, so Pluto suggests…"

Jester cut in, "But he is the God of the Underworld!"

Venus turned to him and said approvingly, "Ah, so your mother has taught you well on your Gods and Goddesses. I shall repay her for it."

"But Pepper cannot… we cannot…"

"Who said you two would be a couple?"

"But- but is that not what you said?"

"It is what Pluto had suggested, not what I have got in mind." There came a sigh of relief from both of Pepper and Jester.

Pepper sat down on a chair next to a table and Smithy beside her. Jester sat across from them leaving Venus standing at the head of it all looking mighty pleased and slightly disappointed. "Perfect couple," she mumbled looking at the cook and the blacksmith. Both blushed and studied the ground. "Whatever am I to do with all three of you? One girl, two boys… simply not a good outcome on either side of it."

"You could leave us alone until you have figured it out, fair Goddess," Smithy suggested.

Venus looked at him and smiled showing pearl white teeth, "Yes I suppose I could…"

"Or…" began Pepper.

"Do not interrupt Verbena! How many times must I tell you? Whatever your plans are will result fatal to love." Pepper shrank back upon hearing this and was not content in the least. Venus sighed and sat on the floor and rubbed her temples. "What to do?"

Then she was gone with a crack leaving the three people stunned.

Pepper had not a clue where she went.

Not even the slightest.

In fact, she had none at all…


	2. A Bunch of Mishaps and Drama

**A/N: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU **_JELLO AND THE DRAGON_**! Finally, a Life-saver I didn't choke on (please tell me someone got that…)! Its a little OOC, Sorry! If you stick with it, there will be some jests in this chapter. Updates may be slow, so here you go with chapter 2! **

**Disclaimer: Logic peoples! Logic! So read me writing: "N.O."**

"I do not like that God," stated Pepper a few minutes later.

"God_dess_, Pepper. Also be careful of what you say," Jester replied.

"Well, _Clemens_, I do not care what she says or does or whatever. I am_ NOT _stupid."

"Whoever did say that?"

"Oh, I do not know, '_F-fair God-Goddess Venus!' _perhaps?" she mocked him cruelly.

Jester was taken aback, Pepper wasn't usually like that. "She never _said _that."

"Yes she did."

"No she did not."

"But she was _thinking _it."

"No she-"

"YES SHE DID! SHE ALSO WAS THE CRUELLEST BEING _EVER!_" Pepper screamed completely forgetting she was in Jester's face.

"Um, Verbena, you need to calm down," Jethro said taking a step toward the enraged cook.

Pepper whizzed around and glared at him. She dropped her glare only for a moment to reach for the sharp cutting knife. Pointing it dangerously close to the smith's chest she hissed, "I am _not_ going to calm down _Jethro_."

"You need to though," he said raising his hands to show innocence. "Look what you are doing to yourself and others."

Pepper's face softened for a moment but not her eyes. Her eyes still looked murderously enraged. "Verbena," Smithy tried one more time speaking her name softly. "Put the knife down before you do anything you will regret."

The cook put the tool down and put her hands on her hips. "You have no needs to speak like a lover – it is only a lie. I despise lies," she grabbed his wrists and yanked him down so they were only a hands' length apart. "_Especially _when it comes from friends." She let him go with an angry thrust.

The minstrel, who was watching, watched his friends bicker. One was deeply wounded, one was getting wounded; he could not stand it for much longer if it was to continue. "Stop, stop all of you! Pepper, stop!" he screamed waving his hands in the air.

Pepper stopped her fit to look at her new opponent. Jester took a step back timidly. "Well, it is not that – er – What about the cooking; the food? Yes, I think that you two should stop because Pepper needs to get on with the food!"

Once the words were out, he mentally kicked himself.

"Food? Is that all I am good for? Cooking, and cleaning, and being a doll?" she asked quietly shocked.

"Well, no. But you are not a doll."

"Of course I am a doll," her calmness scared the men. "I am being courted one day, the next cheated upon by my courter. It feels like I am blowing kisses in the wind. My courter did not really love me, just used me."

She sat down in a daze and continued, "Drake used me as bait to Jane. I am a living, breathing doll."

"Drake never used you Pepper, Venus just did not think it wise to do the pair together," Jethro said earning a harsh glare from Verbena.

"Oh you never know! Are YOU a girl?"

"He is, deep down," Jester joked trying to make the conversation lighter.

"I was not talking to you!" Verbena shrieked at Clemens, jostling out of her trance.

Smithy rubbed his neck uncomfortably, he did not like the way it was going. "Well, no."

"I DID NOT THINK SO!"

A moment of silence passed and Jester looked out the window. He couldn't believe that the sun was shining and the birds were a twitter and almost everything was happy. _Almost_, he reminded himself. He was not happy – Jane had cheated on him -, Pepper was clearly not happy either - Rake had abandoned her for Jane -, and Smithy was probably unhappy about the turn of events. _What to do, what to do?_ He asked himself. Jester then got the marvelous plan of telling jests, "So… how did the chicken cross the road?"

Smithy immediately got the concept, "I do not know Jester. How did she?"

"She scrambled!" Jester looked around, no one was laughing. "No, did not get it?" Pepper and Smithy shook their heads.

"Fine then, I have got another one for you! What do you call banana peels?"

"What are bananas?" Pepper asked.

"They are a type of yellow fruit in a semi-boomerang form, if you will," Jester explained grinning because he was getting where he wanted to go.

"What do I will?"

"No, Pepper, it is a figure of speech."

"I did not know speeches had figures. I wonder if they have a better one than mine seeing Rake left."

Smithy struggled to hold back upcoming laughter, and Jester's face turned red with embarrassment. This was not what he had planned.

"No, no, heavens no, Pepper! You see, figures of speech are sayings unrelated to the subject, or they can be just sayings. Nothing has to do with your figure. Your figure is, um, perfect! Yes, that is it! Rake should not have left! Shames on him, shame on the gardener for making you think that way! Big, big shame!" Jester said pretending to point to an invisible Rake. Smithy burst out laughing, and Pepper turned as red as the setting sun.

Jester, who started to see his friend laughing at his slip and cover, turned redder than Pepper herself.

Smithy stopped for a moment to catch his breath. Then he looked at the reddened Pepper, to the even more reddened Jester. He started to bawl laughing and fell off the stool and onto the ground. He did not notice the pain of the fall, for all he noticed were his eyes watering from the wrath of laughing.

_I do not think things can get any better than this, _he thought while hugging himself to calm down.

Oh how wrong he was…


	3. What To Do?

**A/N: I had SOOO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS CHAPTER! Thanks for the reviews Jello and the Dragon…:D. BTW: it starts off with Rake and Jane, and then moves to the Humor Trio. You'll see why!**

**Disclaimer: NOTHIING, but who cares? :D**

"Oh Rake," the female knight breathed, "for me?"

Rake, the former courter of the cook Pepper, had just handed Jane a red rose. He smiled, "Yes, dear Jane."

"Oh stop you!" she pushed him playfully, beaming.

They sat for awhile in the sun with Jane's head leaning on Rake's neck. They enjoyed the sheer bliss of it all: the warmth, the golden silence, the atmosphere, the warmth. A bird flew by chirping fearlessly when Jane broke the silence, "I still cannot believe you did that."

"Did what?"

"Broke with Pepper – I still cannot believe it!"

"That was months ago Jane! I did it for you, anyway, seeing that you were still eligible." A knot formed in the red-head's stomach.

She ignored the feeling as she spoke the next words, "Yes, I was still eligible, but now I am not thanks to you." Jane looked up at him smiling.

He looked down at her and cupped her head in his hands and shared a blissful kiss with her. Jane's conscience sank with guilt as it always did when she kissed with Rake…

L-L-L-L-L-L

"THAT, my friend Jester, was the BEST laugh I have had in years!" Smithy exclaimed to the red-faced fool in the kitchens.

"Yes, well, it was…nothing…" Jester replied looking down and shuffling his feet.

Jethro wiped remaining tears of joy away, "Verb-Pepper, I never knew you had a sense of humor about you!"

Pepper looked at Jester, whose face was back to normal, to Jethro's tear-washed face. She felt her face losing the heat of embarrassment and return back to normal. She sighed in relief, "Yes, well, I _figure_," she looked at Jester at the word "figure", "That I can be fun at times."

Jester walked next to Pepper and put his hand on his shoulder – a gesture Pepper had not experienced in a long time. She smiled inwardly. Jester than started to speak, "Yes, Pepper and Jester, the two fools. Whatever the time, whatever the moment."

All three of them burst out laughing at this statement.

"Would that not be funny," Smithy said in-between laughs, "that when Jane and Rake walk in to have some food, they see all three of us having a ball?"

Pepper howled, "Yes, that would be most funny!"

Jester's face turned grave, "What kind of ball? A ball a King throws? Or a ball that we use to play Throw and Catch with?"

Smithy stopped to think for a moment. Finally he answered – or rather, questioned, "But does the King not throw a ball? Or has he not ever held a pig-bladder?"

"Oh, no Jethro, not like that," Verbena said waving her hands wildly in a "No" kind of way, smiling. "Clemens means 'ball' as in a magnificent dance, like this."

Pepper turned to Jester and asked if he would like to dance with her, in which he said yes to. The two melted into a waltz formation and started to dance miraculously with Jethro tapping his foot to keep time. Suddenly two figures came into the room, but stayed hidden in the shadows – not one of the three noticed.

Smithy finished tapping his foot and keeping time, and Jester did something Pepper never expected him to do when they finished waltzing….

He kissed Pepper with so much passion, Pepper stiffened before her mind clicked into what was happening.

_Someone loves me…_ she thought while she kissed back. _But I should not get my hopes up…._

"Jester?" someone said.

Jester broke the kiss hastily and turned around to see who it was.

"Pepper?" someone else said – or was it the same person?

Pepper's eyes flew open and she, too, turned to see who it was. _Bat-bladders! Now, at this moment –honestly!_

"Jester?" Jane said taking a step forward out of the shadows. "What are you _doing_?"

Jester's face became so sullen it scared Jane. "No, Jane, the question is what are _you_ doing?"

Jane took a step forward with dignity. "I _caught _you kissing Pepper!"

A hollow laugh echoed from Jester's throat. Jane flinched. "More like I found out, dear Jane, that you _cheated _on me!"

"Whatever are you talking about Jester?" A look of horror overcame Jane's face as she spoke.

"I am not blind."

"I did not say you were."

"Well, you certainly went against Knight's Code of Conduct."

"When, O Lover of Mine?"

"Do not call me that," Jester spoke quietly, as he often does when he is enraged.

"WHAT?" Jane yelled disbelieving.

"You heard me."

"WHAT?"

"I SAID, 'you heard me.'"

"Jester – stop…. Please…." Jane cried. "I did nothing of the sort!"

Pepper and Smithy glanced at each other at the unfolding scene. Amusement lurked in their eyes, barely unnoticeable. Jester was finally telling Jane off, and how they loved it…especially Pepper.

Rake remained in the shadows staring at Jane in utter disbelief that she lied to him. It made him feel almost sorry for Jester - _Almost_.

"Of course you did, Pepper said so. Why, she saw you and Rake run off in a sunset!" Jester exclaimed waving his hands in the air.

"No-" Jane began only to be cut off by Jester.

"It is over Jane."

"WHAT?"

"It is over Jane, finished, done with!"

"But – but –"

"But what?" The Minstrel asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"But why?" The female rebellion asked dumbfounded.

"Goodbye Jane."

"WHAT?"

Jester ignored her outcry and turned around to face Pepper and Smithy. He walked to Pepper, stopped in front of her, and said quietly so only she could hear, "Act with me, _La mia dolce signora._"

Pepper nodded not understanding the Italian in which he spoke – _My sweet lady_.

Jester than cupped her head in his hands, gave Pepper a smirk, and kissed her like fire. He knew Jane was watching, but he wanted to let her hurt; he also knew Pepper hasn't been kissed in a very long time and how lonely she must have felt. _Not anymore…_ he thought. _But this is only an act, nothing more…_

Jane's eyes topped with tears, she was ashamed; Jane's mouth quivered, she was hurt; but nothing matched her soul – her rage, her sorrow, her disgrace for herself, her suddenly burdened spirit. How was she to tell this to Rake? _But he saw all of this, he knows…_

Jane's eyes widened, _Oh Dragon, he knows! What will I do? _ She ran out of the Kitchen and away from the Castle. She stopped shortly to sit down and cry a waterfall - a cascading, bleak blue waterfall that did not have an end. _What will I do now? _

**A/N: I wanted to add something else… a joke, but this is long enough. I **_**Figure**_** you all will just have to wait. Review please!**


	4. Nerve

**A/N: I've missed writing this story, major writer's block. I think it's been 3 months, right? Oh well, at least I update now. Please review, even though I shouldn't ask for them but I do. So please review!**

A few seconds later Jester heard Jane's footsteps fade away. He realized that now was the time to break the kiss, but…He just didn't want to; he couldn't do it, it was too hard for him. All because of five very good reasons:

The first reason being that Pepper was a very, _very_ good kisser; far better than Jane ever was and perhaps will ever be.

Secondly, he had never felt so _alive_, like he was on fire; it wasn't humanly, oh gosh it wasn't humanly, because no one had ever made him fell the way he did then – well, except for Pepper.

Thirdly, he felt free; as if he was a dove in a cage that has just been released into the world and was now flying high over mountains and clouds, and way passed the moon and into the stars.

The fourth reason was that instead of it feeling wrong that he was kissing Pepper with one hand on her back and one hand on her hip, while she had one gently clutching hand on his dirty blonde hair and one on resting on his neck, both their mouths and tongues moving in-sync; it felt _right_. _Extremely _right, as if he had imagined this a thousand times over in his mind.

The final reason was that he normally would mind if someone watched him kiss a woman like he was just doing, but he realized that he honestly didn't care what they thought about him or his courter.

_Courter…_

That single word danced in his mind until he finally broke the kiss, with his lips still slightly lingering on the cook's mouth a second more than it should, and stepped back blushing harshly and looking down. _Courter, courter! _The word screamed in his head and for a second he wondered if he had heard, _Court her, court her!_

"I-I… don't know what….came over me…." Jester explained after a moment of silence in which Smithy sat there gaping at two of his friends.

"M-me neither," Pepper said with a catch of something in her voice. If it was fear or if it was sadness or even if it was shame, Jester didn't know the emotion lurking in her voice barely even there. It worried him greatly.

Smithy still sat there gaping, blinking involuntarily with his eyes wide. "I never would have thought to live to see the day where these three things happened to Jester all in fewer than six hours," he breathed coming back to his senses. "That Jester would slip up about Pepper's figure, that Jester would tell Jane off, and that Jester would kiss Pepper openly…"

This statement made Jester rather uncomfortable. Seeing this, Smithy walked over to him and clapped his friend on the back. "You sir, have got nerve!" he exclaimed before smiling at Pepper and walking out of the kitchen and back to his forge.

…Leaving two very uncomfortable feeling people in the room.

"Well," Jester said looking up at Pepper, trying to be brave. "Do you need any help in the kitchen?"

Pepper looked at him and smiled. "Alright, can you dice the carrots? I'm making stew for the mid-day meal."

"Done, oh and Pepper?"

"Yes?"

"Would you, perhaps… want to go for a stroll in the forest later today?" Jester asked hopefully.

Pepper's eyes widened and said, "Well, if we can cook the stew fast enough and serve it earlier than usual, we have an hour of rest. So, yes, that would be lovely."


End file.
